Crazy Girls at a Birthday Party
by Les Larmes du Soleil
Summary: Me and my friends at my party, with nothing better to do. Insanity and hilarity will ensue. HP/LOTR fanfiction. Expect lots of madness, Gollum, lawyers, and random singing. Oh, and Draco gets turned into a hobbit.


Hi! As I said in the summary, my friends and I wrote this at my birthday party quite a while ago. There will be many variations in grammar and writing style. The crazy part with a bunch of cartoon characters in it was written by my sister. Larissa is me, and all the other names correspond to various friends and family members who dropped in to write for a while.

* * *

There was an eagle, named Mono, soaring overhead, holding a ring. She was looking for a person, a person who would reconize the ring and name it theirs. She had no clue what she looks like, but knew that the person would rise as the eagle princess and save the world.

She found a boy named Ren who was a farmer near the lake where Mono use to take a bath and take care of her self. Once Ren said Mono please do not stay here, you can die.

Now the sensible Mono decided that she did not wish for her illustrious life to end. So she took to her wings and fled, finding this verse inscribed into a rock.

Three rings for the whale kings under the sea  
Seven for the dwarf lords in their halls of stone.  
Nine for the Nazguls doomed to die  
One for the Dark Lord on this Dark Throne  
One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them  
one ring to bring them all in the darkness bind them  
in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

Therefore, Mono sued this author, because she did NOT do a disclaimer, and she does NOT own the lord of the rings and she tried to steal Tolkien's plot. Therefore, Larissa is banished from this story for the next twenty minutes.

Then some random laptop showed up and came with a bulldozer. Larissa came again when she saw the laptop and started writing extremely descriptive stories. Then the bulldozer smashed into the eagle and the eagle died leaving behind the ring.

It was all a dream.

When Mono woke up, she discovered that the magical ring had been stolen. There on the table was a note:

Who lived in a tower,  
and has super long hair!

And then Gollum said, "Did someone say cakeses?"

and it was all a dream that it was a dream.

"Leaping Lions" said Iroona. Iroona was a friend of Mono, poof, mono turned into a beautiful girl with a long shaggey beard, and a fat pudgy nose and a curled moustache.

A magical wizard came. He said "It was all a dream!"

"No!" said Iroona, and she and Mono ran away.

The dream ebbed towards them.

"We've lost it!" cried Mono.

Then Alice appeared in a fairy costume, she flew over to the girls, tapped them each with her fair wand and said "IT WAS ALL A DREAM!"

Iroona and Mono decided to take a stand, and stopped running right next to a sheer cliff. "ummm." Mono murmurs. Iroona shrugs.

"Aklansarjoniska!" Alice shouts, aiming her wand at them.

Mono and Iroona jump off the cliff involuntarily. As they fall, they fight for the parachute in Mono's pack. As they fall, they hear a scream, and long blonde hair wraps around them, until they are choking from an extremely strong orange scent.

But then they see that the hair wraped around them starts to shine. So now they cannot open thier eyes because the light is too bright. Both of them are about to die when Athina saves them.

Enter Gollum.

Cause Larissa is obsessed with Gollum.

"Well, sneaky little hobbitses," said Gollum to Larissa, "It is time to stop imagining alternate realities where you and Bertie and Alice fall into Middle Earth and get changed into beautiful elves and go on the quest and you (more often than not) fall in love with Legolas."

Larissa looks at Gollum with scorn.

"I do not fall in love with Legolas," said she, haughtily. "All males, elf, man, hobbit, and dwarf alike, are scared to come near me."

Gollum hastily retreates. "Girls out of the elf-country, gah! I climbed in those trees, and I couldn't wash the smell of my hands, my nice hands. At least this is one girl who is NOT obsessed with Legolas!"

Larissa giggles. "Boromir! Boromir! Faramir! Oh no! Harry, harry, it's getting scary, Voldemort's back, and you're a revolutionary, Harry. Dumbledore, dumbledore, why is he ignoring your constant attempts to contact him? Umbridge comes and raids the school, Harry is cross and Draco's a tool, kids break into the Ministry, Sirius Black is as dead as can beeeeee!"

Gollum gives Larissa a derisive look. "Spoiling nice fish."

Lawyer storms in, looks at Larissa with smoke roiling around him.

"YOUUUU SHAALLLL NOTTT PAAAAAASSS!"

"Oh no!" Larissa squeaks and retreats to Alice's room.

"I own nothing."

Mono and Lawyer exile Larissa to Bertie's house.

Now, the said Lawyer is absolutely frustrated.

"I CHANNEL THE SPIRIT O TOLKIEN! IF SHE EVER, EVER, EVER STEALS MY CHARACTERS AGAIN, THROW HER INTO LITERARY JAIL!"

Larissa, peeking around corner, "No, mr Lawyer! Don't do that!"

Gollum, unimpressed: Just steal the lawyer and start channelling Tolkien's spirit yourself.

Larissa: Why, thank you, Gollum. (Whacks lawyer over head with Gollum.) There, now I channel his spirit.

Gollum, slightly dazed: You couldn't have used a club to knock him out?

Larissa: I, Tolkien, hereby exile you back into my works and out of this world.

Gollum, falling at Larissa's feet: No, master! Don't do that to us! When we leave this world we die into the dust. Dussstt!

Larissa: Okay, fine. Just remember, you're not supposed to climb elf trees.

Gollum: Yes, Master.

Larissa: And no trying to steal rats to eat.

Gollum: Yes, Master.

Larissa: And no going to Anaya's house.

Gollum: Toodle-oo. (vanishes to her house in a bang and a puff of smoke)

Larissa: Dang, I knew I should have banished him back into the book while I had the chance.

Gollum, flashing by in Larissa's imaginary Mercedes: Catch you later, alligator.

Larissa: Whose spirit do you think he's channeling?

Frodo: The King of Insanity?

Larissa: Inclined to believe you are right. Well, she can handle it herself, you know, it isn't as if she hasn't dealt with Gollums before.

Frodo: Somehow I find that highly unlikely.

Sam: Mr Frodo sir, it looks like she has...

Larissa: GET IN MY MERCEDES! Oh, no, Gollum stole it, and it was imaginary in the first place. Okay, get into my Giant Trojan Horse.

Frodo: Where did you get that?

Larissa: Don't even ask. Combination of a time-turner gone haywire, an imperius on Odysseus of Ithaca, and the fact that my Animation Spell simply was too strong.

Frodo: I'm not even going to ask what that meant.

Larissa: Good.

CHANGE SCENE

Anaya: Go away, Aneesh. If you don't, I'll hex you into Sunday.

Gollum: ANOTHER ELF! CURSES! WE'S CURSED WITH ELVESES, PRECIOUS! BUT SHE'S GOT THE PRECIOUS! (Creeps toward Anaya and tries to pry ring out of Anaya's finger.)

Anaya, waking up: AH! Why in the world are you trying to steal my ring!

Gollum: Cuz its my precious!

Anaya: Do I look like I care?

Gollum: No.

Anaya: I'm gonna cut off your head!

Gollum: NO! ((Gets back into Larissa's imaginary Mercedes and drives back to her house.)

Anaya: And it was all a dream...

CHANGE SCENE

Lawyer, cleaning nails with Harry's wand: Ah, at least, I've got rid of that troublesome Larissa.

Harry, appearing around corner: What! DROP MY WAND AND REACH FOR THE SKY!

Lawyer: Disclaimer.

Harry: What?

Lawyer: Do your disclaimer.

Harry: I, Harry James Potter, own nothing. The genuis behind this story is attributed to the Reine Larissa, our dear old Queen Jo, and the all-powerful Tolkien. Can I

ave my wand back now?

Lawyer: Aren't you forgetting something? (hands Harry Neville's remembrall)

Harry: Oooh...but I can't remember what I've forgotten.

Lawyer, relenting: It was the song about the darling Lawyer, but as Alice isn't here, I won't make you sing it, it's highly embarassing.

Harry, eyes lighting up: OH REALLY?

His hair is as white as the belly of a toad,

His nails are blacker than a blackboard,

I wish he was nine, then he'd be divine,

The lawyer I hate more than the Dark Lord.

Lawyer: GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!

Harry: Seizes wand, and flees.

Lawyer: HOW MANY ANNOYING CHARACTERS IS Larissa GOING TO MAKE ME FACE?

Draco Malfoy: Um, about twenty more.

Lawyer, wearily: And how long are you going to stay, Draco?

Draco: I just stole my Mum's time-turner, so as soon as she forgets I go back.

Lawyer:...and when will that be?

Draco: The moment my dad does something even more stupid...

Lawyer: Won't have to wait too long then. Um, why don't you go sit over there?

Draco: Sure. (Walks toward the corner and then falls through trapdoor.)

Lawyer: DRACO! (Runs to trapdoor and peers through.) Where are you?

Draco: Groan. I think I've broken something.

Lawyer: OH NO! What?

Draco: (pulls broken carrot out from under him)

Lawyer: Trust a Brandybuck and a Took.

Draco: That was just a detour. A shortcut.

Lawyer: And to what, may I ask?

Draco: MUSHROOMS!

Lawyer: OH MY MERLIN! HE'S TURNED INTO A HOBBIT!

Draco, looking at himself: OH MY MERLIN! I AM A HOBBIT!

Merlin, arriving in a cloud of smoke: OH MY ME, HE IS A HOBBIT!

Larissa: Oh, shut up. (Yanks Draco out of trapdoor) Get into my Trojan Horse.

Merlin, Lawyer, and Draco: Umm, what are we looking for?

Larissa: A Gollum driving an imaginary Mercedes.

Anaya: Do you know he just broke into my house?/.

Larissa: HOLY MOLEY GUACOMOLE! Why?

Anaya: Cause I had the precious.

Larissa: OH MY SWEET ERU OF THE VALAR! THE LOVE OF LEGOLAS! THE LOVE OF ARWEN AND ARAGORN AND BOROMIR AND FARAMIR AND FRODO AND SAM AND MERRY AND PIPPIN AND ME! THE SWEET SPELLS OF DEAR GANDALF AND GIMLI! OH MY DEAR SWEET MALTED MILK, YOU HAVE THE PRECIOUS!

Anaya: It's mine...my own...my precious.

Larissa: A BALROG OF MORGOTH! SHE IS TURNING INTO GOLLUM!

Anaya: Heh, no, it's a copy off Ebay.

Larissa, relaxing: Oh, thank god.

Anaya: Sorry, Larissa, I couldn'r resist.

Larissa: When can you?

Anaya: When I'm faced with ice cream and cake with sprinkles on top?

Larissa: ...right.

Alice: Hey ponks! why do you travel in a dingy trojan horse, when you can travel in my wonkerpodcks.

Out pops a time machine Harry,Ron pop out.

Harry: I love doing that!

Larissa: Harry! Were you not in my trojan horse, why we could use that to have gollum.

Alice: it's not for sale

Larissa: oh Alice how could you impass me now (impass: disobey/not give?do not in time of need?

WIld Kratts stepp out of time machine.

Wild Kratts: thats because it belongs to us

Harry (wailing: I want Ginny

Wild Kratts: Ginny? easy, here's a ginny pig free of charge, make sure you set it free and in the wild

Harry: How dare you use such terms, my wife is not a Ginny pig

Chris Kratt: Ginny! Oh sorry mate

Harry (with gritted teeth: I am not your mate

Ron: rons curse word and thats my sister and brother in law you're talking about

Martin Kratt: sorry , Ginny!

A talll thirty year old woman appears with a "Hey gang"

Ron: How come Harry gets privileges, I want Hermie

Martin: That owl? Here he is , ugh does he alway go on people's hands

Ron: My wife is not and owl, Her-mio-ne !

Chris: Oh sorry bro, but she's smart as none eh?

Ron" Yes, bring her here

"Chris: step over here , and imagine how she looks

Hermione appears on the time machine.

Hermione: Did you have to call, I was in the middles ofc my history of magic essay

Ron cowers: Sorry hermies.

Owl screeches and goes on Ron's hand

Ginny: I wish we were all young, little girls and boys, elleven would do

Wild Kratts: Easily solved, to the minaturizer!

The characters shrink into little girls and boys.

Maartin" Look Koki and Aviva have arrived on the time machin, Hanna abbot , Earnie MacMillan, Mclaggen, my little ponies, zaboomafoo, what's that?

Cyberchasers appear

Matt: Let's use math

"Cathy: the number...

Inez: of people every second...

Didge: if they multiply by the times of four...

Alice: There's no time to use math, to the wonderpodcks

The cat in the hat and Nat and Sally appear

Cat in the Hat: Did someone say thingamagiger?

Larissa : Oh no, quickly let's go, comon, Anaya

Anaya: But all I care is aboout my icecream with pink sprinkles

Larissa, irritably: You said that you could resist when you were confronted with ice cream and cake with sprinkles on top.

Anaya: And I was joking! Come on, everybody get into the horse.

Draco, staring at his feet: My feet are hairy. Larissa! What do I do! Draco Malfoy is a stunningly beautiful image of a Roman God, not a...a...hairy hobbit!

Ginny: I think you should stay hairy for a while.

Ron: Huh, get that, Hairy?

Everyone: Glares at Ron.

Ron: Was that a lame joke?

Everyone: Glares at Ron.

Lawyer, checking watch: Well, come along, people, ex-wizard-now-hobbit, actual hobbits...okay, someone please send Aviva, Koki, Matt, Didge, Cathy, and Inez back to their own worlds. You got that time-space machine, Kratt brothers?

Kratts: Yeah, but you might want to send back the ponies, Ernie and Hannah.

Hermione, in a strangled voice: Yeah...and while you're at it...can you pack McLaggen off too?

Kratts: Yeah.

Hermione: And bring back my HOM essay.

(Ron faints.)

Harry, bewildered: What? What's wrong?

Ginny, choking: Hermione used an acronym.

(All Harry Potter characters present pass out.)

Lawyer, staring at watch: Larissa! GET INTO THE HORSE, WE'RE LATE!

Larissa: Give up the ice cream and wet these guys' faces!

Anaya: With pleasure. (Smears avocado ice cream over their faces.)

Draco: WOOHOO! I'm at a beauty salon! I like to move it move...wait...I'm not in a beauty salon...and I no longer have hairy feet...oh, bug all of this, I'm getting into the horse.

Harry: You know what, if we've got a Gollum to catch, we've got to move fast.

Gandalf: That will be well-nigh impossible with such a large horse.

Harry: WOAH! Dumbledore!

Gandalf: ...I beg your pardon?

Harry: Never mind, Professor, we'll talk later. But Alice, whatever happened to your wonkerpoddocks?

Alice: Well, nothing of course...oh, bugger, the Kratts went off to rescue creatures in it.

Anaya: Ooh, what type?

Alice: I dunno, I thought I heard them say, "Smeagols are very misunderstood creatures. They like the dark and can climb..."

Larissa: Facepalm. Am I in an absurd dream?

Lawyer: I've been trying to convince myself of that for the last three hours.

Larissa: And...did you succeed?

Lawyer: NO! Now get in the thrice accursed horse and LET ME DRIVE!

Larissa: Do you have a license?

Lawyer: Yes.

Larissa: Are you over 18?

Lawyer: Yes.

Larissa: Are you capable of handling small children, dirty diapers, minor explosions, minor to major hexes or jinxes, constipation...

Lawyer, wailing: But the only thing I learned how to deal with in law school was what to do if someone was leading the jury!

Larissa: Well, that settles it then, buster, you're not driving. (Draco, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Gandalf, Lawyer, Alice, and Anaya get into the Horse. Draco performs an Undetectable Extension Charm and outfits the thing with a motor, steering wheel, etc.)

Larissa: Here we go!

Gollum, sitting on top of the Trojan Horse while smirking: Yeah.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed! Please review!


End file.
